Monday, September 25, 2006

Why are homophobes fixated on men's arseholes?

When I'm first introduced to a married couple, let's call them John and Mary Smith, my mind does not immediately - or indeed at all - fly to what they might get up to in the privacy of their own bedroom.

Similarly, when I'm first introduced to a gay couple, let's call them Peter Johnson and David Roberts, my mind does not immediately - or indeed at all - fly to what they might get up to in the privacy of their own bedroom either.

Even if I were so pruriently curious, unless I bug both their houses or break in and catch them in flagrante - probably getting me jail time if I tried such stalkery behaviour - there's no way I could come by any information about it. Besides which, it's none of my soddin' business!

Yet when anything is mentioned about gay guys, the homophobes immediately fixate on the guys' bottoms. They are focussed to the point of— well, tunnel vision. They go into gleeful and explicit detail about what they imagine the guys do in the privacy of their own bedroom. Well, they would be explicit if the homophobes weren't so prim as to use 'fvck' for fuck and '@ss' for ass - yes, they're mostly Americans - and 'sh!t' for shit and so on.

All this is usually interspersed with Biblical references, mostly to Leviticus, about how God hates fags - sorry, f@gs - and they gloat about how they will burn in Hell for all eternity. ::cough::choke::splutter::wheeze::niiiice! Given a choice of having a gay guy for a friend or one of these homophobic whack jobs, I'll take the gay guy every time. They are so much kinder and more caring - and more courteous too. 8-)

Going back to the two couples I introduced at the beginning of this stitherum, what the homophobes don't seem to realize, or even consider, is that maybe, just maybe, John and Mary are enthusiastic practitioners of oral and anal sex, and that Peter and David find the whole idea rather distasteful and only indulge in mutual masturbation.

Bottom line - oops, a bit Freudian there - I'm straight; I don't give a flying fuck about other peoples' sex lives. So why are these allegedly straight guys so obsessed about it?

Could it be that they themselves are really
gay and still cowering in the cupboard - er, closet?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

End of Days - Huh?!

Thanks to the activities of homo sapiens, planet Earth is warming up. Homo sapiens. Huh?! Homo daftus, more like, or maybe homo greedicus is nearer the mark. Our descendants will soon be back in the Stone Age with or without the intervention of nuclear missiles.

Yet there are groups of people - fundamentalists, Southern Baptists and other whack jobs - who actually want the Earth to become uninhabitable because that will bring about The End of Days TM and The Second Coming TM.

They see themselves as God's chosen ones, you see, and when Christ returns, The Rapture TM will happen. This means that they will be swept up to Heaven while the rest - which may include some of the less holy among their families and friends - will be left behind to face The Time of Tribulation TM. Huh?!

Now, if you were God, would you want that lot trampling over Your Garden, given that they appear overtly self-righteous, intolerant of people who are different from them - can we say 'homophobia?' I think we can - and will quite happily leave family and friends to face the music in the T.o.T.?
::cough::choke::splutter::wheeze::huh?! Selfish or what?!

Of course, what they don't seem to realize is, that if Christ consorted with all the publicans, sinners and other undesirables the first time around, then it's a pound to a penny that the Christ of The Second Coming TM will most likely be ::whispers:: gay...

Not only that, but when The Rapture TM sweeps all these fundamentalists, Southern Baptists and other whack jobs up into heaven, they're going to find that they'll have to share it with all the Islamist martyrs who, of course, have also booked their place in heaven.

Boy, would I like to be a fly on the wall at that party!

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